Is Quitting a Skill?

Quitting. Growing up I bought into the narrative that it was the worst thing you can do. Think of all those messages, tacit or overt, that said as much. If you quit, you’re considered weak, uncommitted, or a failure.

It wasn’t until I got older that I realized there are certain contexts and situations where it’s best to quit. Looking back at my life, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t quit certain things or leave situations that were unhealthy for me.

Quitting is a powerful choice and sometimes the best choice. Steve Bartlett, from the Diary of a CEO podcast, believes that quitting is a skill. He says, “Knowing when to quit, change direction, leave a toxic situation, demand more from life, give up on something that wasn't working and move on, is a very important skill that people who win at life all seem to have.” He goes on to say, “We glorify starting something but we have to quit the thing before it to start something new right??”

Great point. Two recent examples of this are two clients of mine who ended up quitting their jobs to pursue something more aligned to them. Was it, or is it, scary? Of course, they’re leaving something known, no matter how misaligned, for something new and not fully known. They’re taking a leap, and the choice reflects their trust, faith, and self-belief.

One client recently wrote about her experience on Substack, she said, “Holding on to my old vision and version of myself was no longer an option.” Later she writes, “I follow my intuition and trust that this process of alignment is happening for me. I sparked it, I fuel it daily, but some things are outside of my control. I lean in.”

When you are tied to something that no longer serves you and perhaps even harms you, it affects you psychically, physically, and psychologically. I’ve seen it in my own life and that of others over the years. When your spirit is bigger than your situation it’s like holding an inflated beach ball down under water. Once you let go of the situation, it’s like taking the hands off the beach ball: you pop back up.

I don’t want to romanticize quitting. For my one client who wrote about her experience she said, “With that decision, there have been consequences - letting down people I built professional relationships with, not being sure how to navigate this very intimate and personal chapter of my life and still communicate in a work-appropriate manner.” She pushes through anyway.

Also, depending on the context, quitting can be an easy way out. There’s something to be said for commitment and doing the deep personal work to address certain things in our life before we call it quits.

Mindfulness meditation teacher and author, Jon Kabat-Zinn speaks of this in his book Wherever You Go, There You Are. He says that sooner or later the same problems will arise because they are primarily rooted in your patterns of seeing, thinking, and behaving as well as a lack of personal responsibility. The thinking that if you only change your job, relationship, etcetera, then things will be good is a trap because you only see your troubles as being outside of you.

"The challenge of mindfulness is to work with the very circumstances that you find yourself in - no matter how unpleasant, how discouraging, how limited, how unending and stuck they may appear to be - and to make sure that you have done everything in your power to use their energies to transform yourself before you decide to cut your losses and move on. It is right here that the real work needs to happen." (198-199)

This is not to discourage you to quit if you’re truly dissatisfied but to encourage you to learn the lessons from the situation, both personal and otherwise, and move on.

If you feel you’re in a situation where you’re not happy and thinking of quitting or leaving but are struggling with what to do, you can schedule a Get Acquainted & Strategy Session with me to explore next steps.

Best,