3 Important Lessons My Client Learned & Why It Could Be Important to You

Recently, one of my clients shared three important lessons she learned. She sent me a voice memo outlining each and gave me permission to share her lessons so it could potentially benefit others.

Be kind to yourself

Kathryn (I changed her name to protect her privacy) is highly successful, however, she has a history of being hard on herself. She learned from a young age that she needed to be the strong one at all costs. There was little room for feeling her feelings. This led her to put a high amount of pressure on herself and to be critical of her vulnerabilities.

Over the years, and through our work together, she learned to be more kind to herself. She often judged herself for her failings and imperfections but is now more understanding and self-compassionate.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion, self-compassion “involves wanting health and well-being for oneself and leads to proactive behavior to better one’s situation, rather than passivity [self-pity or self-indulgence]” (12).

Kathryn is an example of this. She went through a lot of change recently, including the end of a 10-year relationship, but she found the willingness to move out and move on. No easy task but she reminds herself that grief and loss are a process and to be gentle on herself.

She is stronger today because she is more kind to herself, as she says, “Kindness to yourself, that has to be a priority.” In her research, Neff proves the power and effectiveness of self-compassion over the pursuit of high self-esteem (something often unattainable or fleeting) or being hard on yourself. It’s a softening of self. Something to think about the next time you judge or put yourself down.

Be trustworthy

Kathryn’s trust was broken in her last relationship. She believed her partner when all the signs were pointing differently. Trust is the most important thing to her in a relationship, and it was not handled with care. She knows she was not perfect in the relationship, there may have been a white lie or two in the 10-years, however, she was true to her partner. She emphasizes the importance of being true, and trustworthy, to your partner or what have you. I’ll also add the importance of being true and trustworthy to yourself; we can break our trust with choices and decisions and it’s important to regain that.

Maintain a Meaningful Network of Family and Friends

Kathryn’s partner became Kathryn’s world. Unfortunately, because of this, she had little time for herself or others. She acutely felt the loss of close connections when things fell apart with her partner, however, she was able to re-establish loving connections and recognize the nurturing relationships she had all along. She has people that will “prop [her] up, when the days go bad.” Friends that will prop her up and fill her cup every single day. Something she said she would do for them if they were in a similar situation.

It’s tempting to go all in a relationship, however, what happens if things don’t work out? Your excitement shouldn’t come at the expense of your loved ones. Make time for your partner and others. Kathryn learned this important lesson, along with the importance of community, and won’t be putting all her eggs in someone else’s basket any time soon.

Kathryn has learned other lessons over the years and is full of great insights and wisdom. She is more poetic than I am, so I wasn’t able to capture that here; but I hope these three lessons she learned can also benefit you, if you’re in a similar situation or if you need a reminder. Thanks, Kathryn, for sharing.

Best,